Journal Entry - December 13, 2010 - One Simple Gesture

There is something about a man in uniform.  Think back to An Officer and a Gentlemen with Richard Gere.  I have my very own man in uniform.  My husband is "out of pocket" for a few days on a mission so this evening I was sitting at my desk thinking about our years together and how much I love my husband.  I want to share a story about the first time I met my husband.  The moment he changed my life forever.

I met my husband online, a fact that I denied to my parents for a couple of years (while it seems immature now, online dating was new at the time and those of us that tried it kept it in the closet.)  I had been divorced for many years and wasn't really keen on the dating scene.  For those of you that don't know me, I was born with birth defects that caused "deformities" of my hands and feet - my point for telling you this will come later.  I hate that word by the way - what a stupid word.  Anyway, I had been chatting with my now husband on email for a couple of months and then progressed to talking on the telephone.  We weren't in any hurry to meet one another.  We would share stories about our lives; give one another advice and spend countless hours laughing.  After several months we agreed to meet for lunch  - lunch seemed safe.  I had an elaborate safety plan just in case I needed a quick escape.  The funny thing was we worked less than 1/2 a mile away from each other and didn't even know it all that time.   We met at a little sandwich shop and I knew to look for a man in a military uniform.  I was so nervous...butterflies in my stomach...for many reasons but a big part of it was being afraid to show him my hands.

Dating has always been a very scary thing for me because I resort to feeling like a five-year old little girl remembering the time when a neighborhood girl was yelling "butter fingers" as I was climbing the ladder to go down the slide.  Whether were are born with birth defects, struggle with weight, a learning disability, or any other insecurity  those painful childhood memories can instantly take us to a place of vulnerability and fear.   While I used to hate being "different" when I was younger, I wouldn't change it for the world.  The stares, numerous surgeries, and teasing are nothing compared to the life lessons I have learned.  I'll never forget when I brought McDonald's apple pies for the daycare class my children attended when they were little...as we sat eating together with the class a five-year old little girl said "Your fingers look like Cheetos."  I held my hands up for a moment and started laughing....she was right...my fingers look like Cheetos....this from a five-year old.  Such innocence and honesty.  My birth defects have taught me how to "suck it up" and stay strong; how to rise above fear; to never say "I can't"; to love people for who they are; and most importantly to love myself.

So, back to the story about the first time I met my future husband.  I had warned him about my hands over the telephone (to help the awkward part that always happens when I first meet someone) and I opened up to him about being scared about what he would think.  We had just ordered our lunch and sat across from one another at the table.  When I'm nervous I do one of two things - put my hands in my pockets or hide them under my legs, table or any other object that is close by.  So as we sat across from one another I kept my hands concealed under the table.  My husband leaned into me and put both of his hands on the table palms up. He gently asked me to place my hands in his.  I froze....OMG...put my hands in yours?  I sheepishly pulled my hands out from under the table and slowly placed them in his.  He looked at them for a very brief moment and closed his hands over mine.  He then said "you don't ever have to hide your hands from me, or any part of who you are."  As I type this, I remember it like it happened yesterday and I have tears in my eyes just as I did six years ago.  At that moment, I looked at my future husband with so much admiration and respect.  And, it was at that moment I knew this was the man I was going to marry.  One simple gesture forever changed my life.  No one had ever done anything like that before.  One simple gesture.

I am blessed to be married to a man in uniform; to a man who is dedicated to serving his country and his family; and to a man who forever changed my life.  That one simple gesture helped wash away feeling like that little girl on the playground so many years ago.

Over the next couple of days ask yourself, "what one simple gesture can I make?"  You can make a difference....all it takes is one simple gesture.

Much love,
Household Six